31 Mar 10

12.38pm. 
I just finished my lunch. And I had a thought. I'm very manipulative. I LIKE being manipulative. If i could be described in a single word, I hope that will be it: manipulative. I'm not sure where the feeling stemmed from, but it was enhanced when I learnt how to manipulate numbers an letters in math, specifically algebra, indices, simultaneous equations and proving identities. I loves the feeling of shifting the numbers to my will. I then leart something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP for short. Its a tool in which you can get under your subconsciousness to do help you do stuff like, stay awake without caffeine, or achieve a particulaly difficult goal, or heal emotional wounds etc etc just to name a few. I'm no expert and I do not know the full extent of it's uses, but I do see alot of practical applications in my life. 

Then, I also learnt that it can be used externally. As in, you can do stuff like persuation, anchoring and other freaky stuff that is very close to hypnotism. Of course it became very tantalising for me. I'm just gonna digress abit here. The card game I play (Magic, the Gathering) has a storyline and I really admire one of the characters, called a planewalker. I want to model him. His name is Jace Beleran and he's a Mind Mage. He messes with people's memories, creates illusions and manipulates stuff. This is the character I want to be. I also realised, if I have access to this potentially dangerous power, others might too. Therefore I changed my sights. I want to learn NLP to protect myself from being manipulated. First defense, the offense. I realise how powerful this tool can be, but it's also a double edged sword. If I'm not careful or not aware, I can be manipulated as easy as I manipulate others. However, I do get a thrill from this. It's sort of sadistic I suppose, using the tool to my own benefit, but this is a world I choose to enter. That's why I'm gonna take psychology as a CDS in polytechnic. I guess I like the feeling of getting what I want, when I want, who I want it from and wherever I want it. It's the feeling of control. I realise that I, like Jace Beleran, will have to make a choice. To choose good or bad, white or black (his ally colours), offense or defense. 

They're right. Power DOES corrupt. Will I be strong enough?